The Self-Justification of a Self-Diagnosed Insane Student

Sometimes I like to sit back and analyze the situations I'm in. I think about it for a while, take a deep breath and say, “MegaTron, Why the heck are you such a hypocrite?” Honestly, if I could answer that question with a simple answer I would, but human beings are far more complex then that aren't they?

I'm aware of the fact that no one reads this blog, and that everyone who stumbles upon it knows me personally or through Twitter, but to me the purpose of this blog is to vent (sometimes uncharacteristically) when the need arises, and possibly organize my thoughts in the process.

Some of you non-existent readers may be wondering why I've defined myself as a hypocrite, and to put it simply I've gone and done something completely out of my character (how ironic) and resent in other people.

I've cheated.

Now before you panic or criticize, I'll have you know that it was not on some 'partner' or person, or video game high score, it was on a small question on a test- and get this it was worth THREE marks.

Not worth the risk? Obviously.

Then why did I do it? Maybe I'm crazy?

I'm going to explain my actions because I have a funny feeling when I sulk into the office tomorrow afternoon for the 'dealing of the consequences' I won't be able to without the possibility of sounding like a blubbering idiot and just ruining my life even more. Yes, this entry is an odd form of my own self-justification-get over it.

Now, I've been overwhelmed lately, I'll be completely honest in saying I haven't been working around the clock, but I have done enough to know that I'm being overworked- but hey that's grade 12 for you. I'm under the constant pressure of giant workloads from classes, family “difficulties” and attempting to keep my social life in order- because I'm a teenager and that's important. This isn't an excuse for writing the definition of existentialism on my hand, but it is part of the reason I did it.

To sum it all up, I was so busy the night before working on an ISU novel project while multitasking with research on Hans Zimmer for Digital Audio Studies that I forgot to review existentialism.

OOPS!

So here we are, it's 15 minutes to my test, and I can't remember if it is “Existence Proceeds Essence” or “Persistence Exceeds Pretense” so, I did whatever a girl would when a half stoned kid suggests it from across the hallway- I wrote it on my hand.

And within 5 minutes of writing the test. BUSTED!

Lesson learned? Definitely. In all honesty, I'm so paranoid that they'll give me a zero on this test and I won't get into University that I cried for a good hour and a half, passed out from exhaustion, ate dinner, told my Mum, and sobbed a bit more. Pitiful eh?

But I think I'm through the hysterics and ready to face this like a calm and collected yet slightly insane human being.

Actually, can I do that? Can I go into the office tomorrow, and not plead Guilty or Innocent? The people who plead Insanity always get off the hook- and really I think I'm crazy for doing it in the first place. Blah.

Anywho, lame self-justification end. I've got to cheer up and face this before I become an existentialist myself (now THAT would be irony). Oh Oh! Rhetorical device! See? I know things? :)

I'm aware of the fact that what I did was wrong, unfair and downright silly, I'm not insane it's just my lazy procrastinating self catching up to my respectable self and it's 100% my fault. And really, if I hadn't been caught- I'd probably still feel crappy about it.

Conclusion: I plead GUILTY! ...and perhaps slightly insane. :)

-MegaTron out.